Sue Scheff: Teens Drinking and Driving

Drinking and driving is dangerous, that is a no brainer - so why are we still having deaths related to drunk driving? As a parent it is our job and our responsibility to constantly remind our kids that drinking and driving don’t mix. Like commericials we have all seen, even though we may sound like a broken record, our kids/teens roll their eyes with their “I know mom/dad” – we still need to repeat it over and over again – they are listening.

Here are some great parent tips from Connect with Kids.

Alcohol Deaths Among Young Adults

Source: Connect with Kids

“I woke up in the driver’s seat, blood all over me, glass everywhere.”

– ‘Nick,’ 17-year-old drunk driver.

The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism reports that more young people today are dying from alcohol-related accidents. Among 18 to 24 year olds, the number of deaths has risen by over 20 percent in the last ten years.

“I woke up in the driver’s side seat, blood all over me, glass everywhere. The doctors said my friend had 48 hours to live,” says ‘Nick,’ whose identity we’ve agreed to protect. This was the third time he wrecked a car while drunk.

His friend survived the accident.

The latest surveys report that 45 percent of kids report binge drinking and 29 percent admit to drinking and driving. The result? The number of 18 to 24 year olds dying from alcohol related accidents is on the rise.

And that’s not all says Jim Mosher, director of the Pacific Institute for Research and Evaluation. “It’s the number one contributor to youth deaths, injuries, including violence, suicide, car crashes, and other forms of serious harm. In addition it undermines school work, it undermines family relationships. It is a main contributor to sexual assaults among young people, which is on the rise across the country.”

Like many kids, ‘Nick’ had his first drink from his parent’s liquor cabinet. He was 12. “I loved it, I was off to the races then. It made me feel ten feet tall and bulletproof,” he says.

“The parents aren’t aware that their kids are even interested in drinking,” says Ari Russell, executive director of GUIDE, a community based substance abuse prevention agency. “They just think that they are too young to start thinking about alcohol. And so they are not checking their supplies, they are not seeing is the whiskey going down in the bottle. Is there a beer missing from the refrigerator? Is there a wine cooler missing from the refrigerator? They are not even paying attention to it.”

Experts say parents need to insist that their kids don’t drink, even if that causes a big argument and makes you unpopular. “But isn’t that part of being a parent?” says Dr. Robert Margolis, an alcohol and drug counselor. “Aren’t there certain things worth fighting? Aren’t there certain lines worth drawing, where you say, ‘Okay. You know, I’m not going to worry so much about how long his hair is. I may not worry about the cd’s that he listens to. But when it comes to drinking, then I’m going to fight that battle.”

After one too many close calls, Nick is now sober. “It’s just a hundred times, a thousand times better.”


Tips for Parents
Research defines binge drinking as having five or more drinks in a row. Reasons adolescents give for binge drinking include: to get drunk, the status associated with drinking, the culture of drinking on campus, peer pressure and academic stress. Binge drinkers are 21 times more likely to: miss class, fall behind in schoolwork, damage property, injure themselves, engage in unplanned and/or unprotected sex, get in trouble with the police, and drink and drive.

Young people who binge drink could be risking serious damage to their brains now and increasing memory loss later in adulthood. Adolescents may be even more vulnerable to brain damage from excessive drinking than older drinkers. Consider the following:

•The average girl takes her first sip of alcohol at age 13. The average boy takes his first sip of alcohol at age 11.
•Underage drinking causes over $53 billion in criminal, social and health problems.
•Seventy-seven percent of young drinkers get their liquor at home, with or without permission.
•Students who are binge drinkers in high school are three times more likely to binge drink in college.
•Nearly 25 percent of college students report frequent binge drinking, that is, they binged three or more times in a two-week period.
•Autopsies show that patients with a history of chronic alcohol abuse have smaller, less massive and more shrunken brains.
•Alcohol abstinence can lead to functional and structural recovery of alcohol-damaged brains.
Alcohol is America’s biggest drug problem. Make sure your child understands that alcohol is a drug and that it can kill him/her. Binge drinking is far more pervasive and dangerous than boutique pills and other illicit substances in the news. About 1,400 students will die of alcohol-related causes this year. An additional 500,000 will suffer injuries.

A study by the Harvard School of Public Health showed that 51 percent of male college students and 40 percent of female college students engaged in binge drinking in the previous two weeks. Half of these drinkers binged frequently (more than three times per week). College students who binge drink report:

•Interruptions in sleep or study habits (71 percent).
•Caring for an intoxicated student (57 percent).
•Being insulted or humiliated (36 percent).
•An unwanted sexual experience (23 percent).
•A serious argument (23 percent).
•Damaging property (16 percent).
•Being pushed, hit or assaulted (11 percent).
•Being the victim of a sexual advance assault or date rape (1 percent).
Students must arrive on college campuses with the ability to resist peer pressure and knowing how to say no to alcohol. For many youngsters away from home for the first time, it is difficult to find the courage to resist peer pressure and the strength to answer peer pressure with resounding no. Parents should foster such ability in their child’s early years and nurture it throughout adolescence. Today’s youth needs constant care from parents and community support to make the best decisions for their wellbeing.


References
•Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
•Harvard School of Public Health
•National Youth Violence Prevention Center
Visit www.helpyourteens.com and www.connectwithkids.com

Sue Scheff: Kids Awareness Series

Parent networking is a great way to expand resources, tips, advice, and more! Today I was introduced to a new website – Kids Awareness Series. Kara Tamanini has worked in the mental health field for 15 years and specializes in ADHD. Her first book – Understanding ADHD is available now through Amazon and visiting her website.

One of her recent articles is how parents deal with ODD – Oppositional Defiance Disorder.

How Parents can deal with an ODD child

Children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder exhibit an ongoing pattern of resistant, hostile, and uncooperative behaviors. These behaviors are often a challenge for parents and make the child’s behavior very difficult to deal with. Parents need support and undersanding and there are a number of things parents can do to help themselves and their child with ODD. First of all, build on the positive behaviors that you see in your child.

No child is bad every single second of every day. Point out good behaviors and praise them and reinforce the behaviors that are appropriate. Pick your battles! I can not stress this enough. If you argue every single; solitary point, you as the parent will be absolutely exhausted. Yes, I know it is difficult to let some things go as a parent, but you can not address every single thing. Avoid getting into a power struggle. Remember, ODD kids love to argue!

Prioritize the things that you want your child to do. Set up limits/boundaries for your child and stick to them. Bad behavior is only reinforced by you as the parent when consequences for behavior are not consistent. Do not change the consequences or become lax on them, just because you are tired of fighting the fight. Stick to your guns here. You as the parent should manage your own stress level and try to relax. Have interests of your own and try to spend time away. Have a support system in place. Nobody should feel they are alone with no one to rely on.

Take a time out for yourself if you see that you are about to lose your cool. Walk away until you can calm down. Staying in the situation where you are arguing with your child will only exacerbate the situation. Children with ODD often respond to parenting techniques if used consistently and in a positive manner. A behavioral contract is often needed with ODD children, but more on this in my next post.

Learn more about Kara at http://kidsawarenessseries.com/ and follow her at Twitter @KidTherapist

Sue Scheff: Facebook Do's and Dont's from MomLogic

Source: MomLogic.com

Here's all you need to know, courtesy of MomLogic contributor and Internet Safety Specialist Lori Getz.

There's no doubt that manners are important. But who knew that there would be a whole new set of etiquette for online interactions? Well, there are. In part two of our Cyber Safety series, find out the do's and don'ts of Facebook.

Do: Check your privacy settings!Within Facebook, there are 3 "Settings" tabs: Account, Privacy, and Applications. These settings allow you to control everything from how your page looks to who can see what you post. Within the Privacy setting alone, there are 4 sub-categories, each with several options. It is important that you read through all of them and make appropriate decisions about who can see what!

Do not: Use friending to alienate or become "famo."A friend request is a precious thing. Do you remember walking up to a new friend on the kindergarten playground and asking him or her to be your friend? Well, welcome to the 21st century version. You don't want to use this power to alienate others, but at the same time, you only want to let people in that you know in the physical world. "Famo" refers to becoming Internet Famous. Kids love to "collect friends," whether they know them or not. The more friends you have, the more famo you are. People you meet online that you don't know face-to-face are strangers. It's just not safe to let them into your inner circle!

Do not: Use the Honesty Box to slander or defame others. The honesty box in Facebook is an application on your profile page where people can drop anonymous comments. When teens use this feature, it is usually to harass one another. That's just plain old cyber-bullying!Do: Control who sees your News Feeds.On the top menu bar of Facebook, you have 4 main options: Home, Profile, Friends, and Inbox. On the Home page, you see the News Feeds. These are status updates of what your friends are doing and thinking (much like Twitter). Make sure you know who can see these updates -- you will find this control in the Privacy setting. You wouldn't want to accidentally tell the world you are leaving town for the weekend and that your house will be empty.

Do not: Fall for Phishing scams.Phishing is the act of attempting to trick users into divulging sensitive and personal information by directing them to a fake website that collects things like usernames, passwords, credit card numbers, etc. Facebook has encountered several phishing scams where you will receive a link in your inbox directing you to a new page that looks like Facebook but requires you to log in again.

DON'T DO IT! At the log-in page, the hacker is now waiting for you to type in your username and password so they can collect it. Hackers usually do this to steal your identity and break into other accounts where the username and password may be the same (such as your online banking account). If you are redirected to a page where you are asked to re-enter your username and password or any personal information, scrutinize it carefully. If you are unsure and don't need to access the page, just close the window and forget about it.

Do: Read the Terms of Service.Have you ever noticed in Facebook that it appears the ads seem to be just for you? That's because Facebook scans your posting and accesses your personal information in order to learn what you like and don't like. That way they can attach appropriate advertisers to your page. It's a great way to direct-market. Make sure you read Facebook's Terms of Service and understand their role in the content you post.

Do not: Poke incessantly -- it's annoying!I think this one is pretty straightforward. Poking is a way to let someone know you are trying to get his or her attention. But there is no message attached, just the fact that you received a poke. Can you imagine if someone sat next to you and poked you all day ... it would drive me crazy!

Do: Understand the difference between private messages and the Wall.The second option at the top of your Facebook page is Profile. This is your public Wall. Think of it like a billboard on Sunset Blvd. Everyone can see everything posted to your Wall, including passersby. If you want to send a friend a private note on Facebook, then send them a message rather than posting to their Wall. The Wall is not the right place to make plans or talk about personal things.

Do not: Use Facebook to send SPAM or chain letters.Not only are SPAM and chain letters annoying, they are usually sent to gather your personal information. A chain letter is created by one person and then sent to others. But every time you forward a chain letter, there is code in the e-mail that sends all of the e-mail addresses back to the creator of the chain letter. So don't give up your personal information or that of your friends by forwarding the e-mail. I promise you will not have bad luck for 7 years!

Sue Scheff: Teens and Peer Pressure

Visting About.com is a wealth of information regarding parenting, raising a family, health today and much more. Denise Witmer offers educational and excellent articles to help you help raise your children today.

5 Strategies for Preteens Handling Peer Pressure

By Denise Witmer

When your preteen first starts middle school they may be facing real peer pressure for the first time. Experimenting with smoking, drugs and skipping school does start at this age. This is because these recently elementary school graduates want to fit in with the older crowd. Here are some things you can do to help your preteen be prepare for when they are asked to do something that they normally wouldn’t do.

Be the first to say something. If you haven’t talked to your preteen about drugs, smoking or anything else they could be facing because they haven’t had to face that problem yet, talk to them now! Don’t avoid it until it becomes a problem or you start to see “signs”. Be proactive with your preteen.

Role play. Let your preteen be the one who offers you a cigarette. This will be an eye opening experience. Say no and keep saying no. When you preteen says, “I couldn’t say that”, ask them what they could say or do. Then role play with your preteen saying no. Practice until your preteen feels comfortable enough to do it on his own with his friends. Learn how to role play here.

Being rude is sometimes okay. Let your teenager know it is okay to avoid people who are trying to get him to do something he does not want to do, even if it is an old friend.

Let them make you the scape-goat. Tell your preteen that there is nothing wrong with using you as an excuse. Saying, “My mom would be so mad!” to a friend who is trying to get them to smoke is a perfectly good enough excuse to get out of the situation.

Be available. Be ready and available should they need to come to you with questions or thoughts on a situation. Even if your teen didn’t make the right choices, you can help them come up with a better solution the next time the situation arises.

Learn more: http://parentingteens.about.com/cs/peerpressure/a/preteenspeer.htm

Sue Scheff: Online Safety and Kids

The importance of family internet safety education and etiquette is often overlooked by both kids and teenagers today. While most teens are more ahead of the curve than most parents when it comes to the internet, they may not have the knowledge to help keep them safe from online dangers and its potentially negative effects.

On behalf of Girl Scouts of the USA and Microsoft Windows, I have been asked to to introduce you to a new initiative called “LMK (text-speak for “Let Me Know,”) which provides parents and girls with resources catering to both generations, and whose goal is to bridge the digital gap between parents and teenagers. On http://lmk.girlscouts.org/, the girl-targeted website, teens can find interactive quizzes, videos, and expert articles to be informed about online safety in a fun way! Girls can comment on the site content, sharing their thoughts, experiences and perspectives on topics many teens face everyday, like cyberbullying and social networking.

New content is posted periodically and will cover twelve different areas related to being a teen online today. Teens can even download an interactive patch they can share on social networking sites like Facebook, just by registering for the site at no cost. Best of all, it’s for all teenagers, not just Girl Scouts!

When parents visit http://letmeknow.girlscouts.org/, they can sign up for the e-newsletter written and developed by a team of “LMK Teen Editors” who are sharing their knowledge about the ways teens use technology and help parents understand it all. Parents will have the chance to learn need-to-know skills to keep them up to speed with what their kids are doing online too. Expert advice is also offered to give guidance on tougher issues.

If you could, please take a moment to visit these sites, learn more about the initiative, and the wonderful resources found on both http://lmk.girlscouts.org/ , and http://letmeknow.girlscouts.org/ and hopefully this will help you help your teens!

Sue Scheff: Families Fighting Flu, Inc

As a parent, you want to do everything in your power to protect your children. With the recent H1N1 flu outbreak (initially called “swine flu”), FFF is sharing some important steps that you can take right now to help protect you and your loved ones.

1. Covering your nose and mouth when you cough or sneeze. You can even teach your children to cough into their elbows.

2. Stressing the importance of washing hands often with soap and water. Any alcohol-based hand cleansers are effective as well.

3. Disinfecting frequently touched surfaces with an appropriate bleach-based solution. As you know, germs can spread by touching infected surfaces and then your eyes, nose or mouth.

For more information, please visit http://www.familiesfightingflu.org/ and please listen to this Public Service Announcement: http://www.westglen.com/online/17695.mp3

Sue Scheff: It's Up to You - Eating Healthy and Teens

IU2U.org - It’s Up to You….

What a great informational website on child obesity, eating healthy, and learning about how to make healthy changes in your family’s diet.

Live a Healthy Lifestyle by Dr. Oz Mehmet offers great advice on this fantastic website as well as other experts and professionals.

KNOW THE FACTS - Today teens are eating more and participating less in physical activity than the healthy amounts experts recommend.

What are kids eating - Kids’ Food has Excessive Sugar, Fat and Salt - learn more details here: http://iu2u.org/kids_food_trends.php

Effects of Obesity - It’s not just a “weight problem.” Learn the many ways becoming obese at a young age can affect a child now and in the future. Click on the figure below to see the effects of childhood obesity.

It’s Up 2 U!

12.5 million American children are obese. By 2010, this number will increase by 20%. Isn’t it time we make a change? Get on board with the Fit Kids Act today at http://iu2u.org/sign.php

Then, check out the four-week Chiquita Family Challenge complete with menus, daily fitness and activity charts , kid-friendly recipes from Chef Robert Rainford and lifestyle tips from Dr. Oz’s HealthCorps at http://iu2u.org/change_family_habits.php.

Learn more at http://iu2u.org/index.php and join their FaceBook group at http://apps.facebook.com/causes/271974

Sue Scheff: Connect with Your Teens through Pop Culture

I was forwarded this fantastic website/Blog that can has some really great information on today’s teens through pop-culture! Learning about today’s trends, hot items, great books and more!

Visit: http://connectwithyourteens.blogspot.com/ and see what Jennifer is talking about today!

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Teen Suicide

Suicide is the third most common cause of death amongst adolescents between 15-24 years of age, and the sixth most common cause of death amongst 5-14 year olds. It is estimated that over half of all teens suffering from depression will attempt suicide at least once, and of those teens, roughly seven percent will succeed on the first try.

Teenagers are especially vulnerable to the threat of suicide, because in addition to increased stress from school, work and peers, teens are also dealing with hormonal fluctuations that can complicate even the most normal situations.

Because of these social and personal changes, teens are also at higher risk for depression, which can also increase feelings of despair and the desire to commit suicide. In fact, according to a study by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) almost all people who commit suicide suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder or substance abuse disorder. Often, teens feel as though they have no other way out of their problems, and may not realize that suicidal thoughts and feelings can be treated. Unfortunately, due to the often volatile relationship between teens and their parents, teens may not be as forthcoming about suicidal feelings as parents would hope. The good news is there are many signs parents can watch for in their teen without necessarily needing their teen to open up to them.

At some point in most teens’ lives, they will experience periods of sadness, worry and/or despair. While it is completely normal for a healthy person to have these types of responses to pain resulting from loss, dismissal, or disillusionment, those with serious (often undiagnosed) mental illnesses often experience much more drastic reactions. Many times these severe reactions will leave the teen in despair, and they may feel that there is no end in sight to their suffering. It is at this point that the teen may lose hope, and with the absence of hope comes more depression and the feeling that suicide is the only solution. It isn’t.

Teen girls are statistically twice as likely as their male counterparts to attempt suicide. They tend to turn to drugs (overdosing) or to cut themselves, while boys are traditionally more successful in their suicide attempts because they utilize more lethal methods such as guns and hanging. This method preference makes boys almost four times more successful in committing suicide.

Studies have borne out that suicide rates rise considerably when teens can access firearms in their home. In fact, nearly 60% of suicides committed in the United States that result in immediate death are accomplished with a gun. This is one crucial reason that any gun kept in a home with teens, even if that teen does not display any outward signs of depression, be stored in a locked compartment away from any ammunition.

In fact, the ammunition should be stored in a locked compartment as well, and the keys to both the gun and ammunition compartments should be kept in a different area from where normal, everyday keys are kept. Remember to always keep firearms, ammunition, and the keys to the locks containing them, away from kids.
Unfortunately, teen suicide is not a rare event. In the United States, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that suicide is the third leading cause of death for people between the ages of 15 and 24. This disturbing trend is affecting younger children as well, with suicide rates experiencing dramatic increases in the under-15 age group from 1980 to 1996. Suicide attempts are even more prevalent, though it is difficult to track the exact rates.
Learn more about prevention. Click here.
Open lines of communication with your teen today.

Sue Scheff: Locks of Love and Your Kids Today

Summer is coming - if your child is considering cutting their hair - make it worth something. There is not a better feeling than giving to those in need, especially with an organization such as Locks of Love. See if your child is a good candidate to help out other kids that need their generosity of love.

WHAT IS LOCKS OF LOVE?

Locks of Love is a public non-profit organization that provides hairpieces to financially disadvantaged children in the United States and Canada under age 18 suffering from long-term medical hair loss from any diagnosis. We meet a unique need for children by using donated hair to create the highest quality hair prosthetics. Most of the children helped by Locks of Love have lost their hair due to a medical condition called alopecia areata, which has no known cause or cure. The prostheses we provide help to restore their self-esteem and their confidence, enabling them to face the world and their peers.

Mission Statement

Our mission is to return a sense of self, confidence and normalcy to children suffering from hair loss by utilizing donated ponytails to provide the highest quality hair prosthetics to financially disadvantaged children. The children receive hair prostheses free of charge or on a sliding scale, based on financial need.

Sue Scheff: Teen Drinking

Source: Connect with Kids

Drinking Roommate

“It’s about toughening up and getting coping strategies to deal with the temptations and the problems with roommates.”

– John Lochridge, M.D., Psychiatrist

College freshman Max Bluestein has three roommates. Each spends their time very differently. “One doesn’t drink at all, one drinks a little bit and one drinks a lot,” he says.

And the one who drinks a lot is often coaxing him to skip his studies, and go out. “It’s a lot of peer pressure just to go out a lot,” explains Bluestein.

A study of more than 30,000 college freshman finds that 35 percent of students report spending more time drinking (ten hours a week) than they do studying (just eight hours).

And many say the problem is made worse by a roommate who drinks.

“When somebody’s having fun you don’t want to be sitting there reading and what not,” says freshman Parham Savadkoohi.

“Your mind will be focused on drinking,” says Sophomore Nikki Lee.

“And I know I have a paper due or something I might go and hang out for a little while. It is kind of hard,” says freshman Kristen Collier.

Experts say the problem of underage drinking in college needs to be solved long before college. In high school, parents need to allow kids just enough room to make small mistakes, followed by consequences.

“And if they make other mistakes they get consequences, and through the consequences they learn about decision and then when they get off to college, they’ve had experience at both decision making and consequences, and are perhaps better able to handle these things on their own in college,” explains psychiatrist, Dr. John Lochridge.

“I know what my priorities are, I’ll get my work done though… it is hard,” says Collier.

Tips for Parents

Research defines binge drinking as having five or more drinks in a row. Reasons adolescents give for binge drinking include: to get drunk, the status associated with drinking, the culture of drinking on campus, peer pressure and academic stress. Binge drinkers are 21 times more likely to: miss class, fall behind in schoolwork, damage property, injure themselves, engage in unplanned and/or unprotected sex, get in trouble with the police, and drink and drive.

Young people who binge drink could be risking serious damage to their brains now and increasing memory loss later in adulthood. Adolescents may be even more vulnerable to brain damage from excessive drinking than older drinkers. Consider the following:

The average girl takes her first sip of alcohol at age 13. The average boy takes his first sip of alcohol at age 11.

Underage drinking causes over $53 billion in criminal, social and health problems.

Seventy-seven percent of young drinkers get their liquor at home, with or without permission.
Students who are binge drinkers in high school are three times more likely to binge drink in college.

Nearly 25 percent of college students report frequent binge drinking, that is, they binged three or more times in a two-week period.

Autopsies show that patients with a history of chronic alcohol abuse have smaller, less massive and more shrunken brains.

Alcohol abstinence can lead to functional and structural recovery of alcohol-damaged brains.
Alcohol is America’s biggest drug problem. Make sure your child understands that alcohol is a drug and that it can kill him/her. Binge drinking is far more pervasive and dangerous than boutique pills and other illicit substances in the news. About 1,400 students will die of alcohol-related causes this year. An additional 500,000 will suffer injuries.

A study by the Harvard School of Public Health showed that 51 percent of male college students and 40 percent of female college students engaged in binge drinking in the previous two weeks. Half of these drinkers binged frequently (more than three times per week). College students who binge drink report:

Interruptions in sleep or study habits (71 percent).
Caring for an intoxicated student (57 percent).
Being insulted or humiliated (36 percent).
An unwanted sexual experience (23 percent).
A serious argument (23 percent).
Damaging property (16 percent).
Being pushed, hit or assaulted (11 percent).
Being the victim of a sexual advance assault or date rape (1 percent).

Students must arrive on college campuses with the ability to resist peer pressure and knowing how to say no to alcohol. For many youngsters away from home for the first time, it is difficult to find the courage to resist peer pressure and the strength to answer peer pressure with resounding no.

Parents should foster such ability in their child's early years and nurture it throughout adolescence. Today’s youth needs constant care from parents and community support to make the best decisions for their wellbeing.

References
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Harvard School of Public Health
National Youth Violence Prevention Center

Sue Scheff: Teaching Your Teen to Drive Safely

Source: Safe Teen Driving Club

OK. You've probably been driving for 25+ years. You can do a great job tutoring your child as she learns to get the feel of the car...how to navigate through traffic, etc. But many parents aren't up to date on the Graduated Driver Licensing laws that affect both teens and parents. Further, the risk factors that lead to crashes are manageable -- if you know what they are, and how to avoid them. These articles will help you get a head start in teaching your teenager how to drive.

Learning to Drive: A Guide for Parents
Unsafe Driving Behaviors to Watch for with Your Teen
Cell Phones - A Leading Cause of Driver Distraction
Street Wise On-Line Driving Game from Daimler Chysler
Is Your Teen Ready to Drive?

Further, there are six major challenges new drivers must face. Not only do they need to understand what they are...they need to practice each one. Perhaps the only advanced collision avoidance program that addresses each of these is the teenSMART training program. It's a complete package of DVD, CD's and workbooks that parents and teens study together -- including spending substantial hours behind the wheel to put theory into practice. It can save up to $1000 in insurance premiums with select insurance carriers over the teen's driving history. But more important, it can reduce the likelihood of a crash by 30 to 70 percent! You can find more about teenSMART® here.

Sue Scheff: Parents Learning More About Teen Medicine Abuse

Source: StopMedicineAbuse

Welcome to the Five Moms: Stopping Cough Medicine Abuse Campaign

Learn about teen cough medicine abuse.Share information about abuse.

First launched in May 2007, the Five Moms Campaign has reached over 24 million parents with these basic messages to parents about preventing teen cough medicine abuse.

When the campaign launched, teen cough medicine abuse was on the increase. Now, nationwide statistics point to a slight decrease. That’s great news, but more work has to be done to eliminate this type of substance abuse behavior among teens.

CHPA brought together five moms—a pediatric nurse practitioner, an accountant, a D.A.R.E. officer, an educator, and an author—from different backgrounds and from all over the country to encourage parents to get involved in stopping cough medicine abuse. And now Five Moms is part of the StopMedicineAbuse.org effort.

Join the campaign. Membership is free and entitles you to the monthly e-newsletter and occasional e-mail updates. (Read our privacy policy.)

Tell your friends about teen cough medicine abuse. You can use the English or Spanish tell-a-friend feature.

Learn more about the issue, how to talk with your teens about drug abuse, and how to protect them from different online threats.

Sue Scheff: Stop Medicine Abuse

Source: StopMedicineAbuse

Recent studies among middle and high school aged kids across the country show a disturbing form of substance abuse among teens: the intentional abuse of otherwise beneficial medications, both prescription (Rx) and over-the-counter (OTC), to get high.

Teens who learn a lot about the dangers of drugs from their parents are half as likely to abuse drugs.
According to the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, one in five teens reports having abused a prescription drug to get high. Where OTC medicines are concerned, data from the Partnership for a Drug-Free America indicate that one in 10 teens reports having abused OTC cough medicines to get high, and 28 percent know someone who has tried it.

The ingredient the teens are abusing in OTC cough medicines is dextromethorphan, or DXM. When used according to label directions, DXM is a safe and effective ingredient approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration and is found in well over 100 brand-name and store-brand over-the-counter cough medicines. When abused in extreme amounts, DXM can be dangerous.

StopMedicineAbuse.org was developed by the leading makers of OTC cough medicines to build awareness about this type of substance abuse behavior, provide tips to prevent it from happening, and encourage parents to safeguard their medicine cabinets. Substance abuse can touch any family: The key to keeping teens drug-free is education and talking about the dangers of abuse.

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - ADHD and Teen Help

Source: ADDitude Magazine

How can parents best help their ADHD teens? Sometimes, stepping back to allow for some independence (and mistakes) is more important than enforcing discipline and structure on young adults with attention deficit.

I saw Donny for an ADHD evaluation shortly after his eleventh birthday. Like many parents, his mother, Christine, reacted to diagnosis of her adolescent son with mixed feelings: sadness that he was not perfect and that the attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) wouldn’t go away - and concern about the implications for Donny’s future.

She hoped that the treatment plan we devised - a combination of academic accommodations, therapy, and ADHD medication - would improve their day-to-day lives. Mostly, she was determined to do whatever was necessary to help her son.

Christine became the boy’s champion, protector, and advocate - getting him the ADHD teen help he needed.

She coordinated with Donny’s teachers, school counselors, soccer coaches, piano teachers, and the parents of his friends to make sure that they understood his needs and treated him fairly. She attended IEP meetings and helped shape his academic plan. Morning, homework, and bedtime routines were established to structure life at home.

The bottom line? Donny thrived.

Changes for the worse

I saw the family again almost four years later. Sad to say, their life had taken a turn for the worse. Donny was and ADHD teen experiencing many of the same problems he had in the past: He was angry and defiant at home; he procrastinated about homework and became disorganized in the classroom. Finally, Donny began to rebel against taking his medication and going for after-school academic support sessions.

The old disciplinary standbys of grounding Donny and taking away his privileges had little effect on his behavior. Christine expressed worry about his choice of friends, and urged him to find more responsible buddies. Donny withdrew from family life and spent more time in his room or with his friends.

Christine was the same motivated mother, but the parenting approach that had worked so well before was now exacerbating Donny’s behavior. What happened, she wondered? And where could she find ADHD teen help.

For one thing, Donny wasn’t the same youngster at 15 that he had been at 11. His perceptions, expectations, and needs had, in some cases, changed drastically. To hear Donny describe things, his caring and dedicated mother had somehow become a controlling, demanding parent. She nagged him constantly, about “everything.” Why couldn’t she get a life and get off his back?
Trying too hard

I told Christine that she was trying too hard. The take-charge, proactive parenting that used to work was now smothering Donny. He didn’t want to be taken care of; he wanted to be independent and mature. He was embarrassed when his mother checked with his teachers about his academic work. The routines set up at home now felt like a straitjacket to Donny.

He perceived many of the family rules as attempts to limit his freedom. He hated taking medication. Donny was sick and tired of his AD/HD! He wanted to be like other kids his age.
Christine began to realize how Donny had outgrown many of the old strategies to manage his AD/HD, and her attitude started to change. She had run interference for her son for three years, but now he resented the interventions. She felt frustrated and guilty over Donny’s struggles and concluded that she wasn’t doing enough to help him.

In a nutshell, Donny wanted to grow up, but his loving mother - of all people - was standing in his way. It frustrated both of them. Christine needed a plan to find the right balance in mothering her AD/HD son. Here is the 10-step plan I devised to help her:

1. MAINTAIN REALISTIC GOALS. AD/HD cannot be “cured” because there is nothing to cure; it’s not an illness or a disease. A realistic goal is to help your child manage it well by providing strategies and interventions helpful to that particular child. Even with ideal interventions in place (a great IEP, therapeutic and tutoring help, the right medication at the right dosage), most children will continue to struggle at times. Expecting too much from your child, or from yourself as a parent, isn’t fair to either of you.

Perspective: Everyone slips up occasionally - kids with AD/HD and those without it. Sometimes the school paper is put off until the night before it’s due, and sometimes the garbage doesn’t get taken out. Look at the implications of a given act. If there are none, ask yourself, “What am I getting so upset about?”

2. MINIMIZE THE GUILT AND FEAR.AD/HD is a biological condition that, in most cases, is genetically transmitted. It’s no one’s fault. Parents aren’t guilty of “giving” their child AD/HD any more than they are guilty of giving their child life. Feeling guilty or worrying excessively leads to trying to do too much. Take a breath, relax, and remind yourself that your child isn’t doomed to a life of failure.

Perspective: Recall the baby and giant steps your child has taken since the original diagnosis. Ask yourself honestly: Hasn’t your child made more progress than you thought he would after first being told he had AD/HD? Pat yourself and your child on the back for how far you’ve come and how far you will go.

Read entire article here: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/720.html

Sue Scheff - Struggling Teens

Are a parent dealing with a defiant, belligerent at risk teenager and you are at your wit’s end - It may be time to think about intervention. It is out of love that we seek to give our teens a second opportunity in life. If it is obvious they are escalating in a downward path, as a parent, it is our responsibility to find help. Whether it is seeking local therapy or support groups, or taking the major step of residential boarding schools - be a proactive parent.

If you are debating residential therapy for your teen, learn more about this extremely daunting and confusing industry.

Yes, you need to get help - but educate yourself first.

Learn more about Wit’s End at http://www.witsendbook.com/ and author Sue Scheff at http://www.suescheff.com/ -the response has been overwhelming!

If you are struggling with your teen today - pick up Wit’s End and learn more!

For a quick read, check out http://www.aparentstruestory.com/ - the foundation of Wit’s End!

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Parenting Positive

Source: Love Our Children USA

Knowing that the world we live in today is very different, Love Our Children USA recognizes that we must redefine parenting.

No one is a perfect parent and there is no magical way to raise children. And we know kids can be challenging!

Parenthood and caring for a child is a gift bestowed upon us which comes with the greatest responsibility and pledge … to guarantee the safety, nurturing, loving environment and physical and emotional wellness of our children … for ALL children!

Anyone and everyone can learn good parenting skills. Even parents who are overwhelmed, or alone. The first three years of your child’s life are crucial. Those are the years that your child will develop significant intellectual, emotional and social abilities. That’s when they learn to give and accept love. They learn confidence, security, and empathy … they learn to be curious and persistent …everything your child needs to learn to relate well to others, and lead a happy and productive life. The first three years are the doorway to forever!

Learn more here: http://www.loveourchildrenusa.org/parent_positiveparent.php

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Parenting Talking with Teens About Drugs

O-kay - Michael Phelp’s, a role model for our kids - has screwed up. I am not condoning what he did - but can’t help to think that this is yet another opportunity for parents to open up a discussion about drugs with their kids.
Newsday.com has an article encouraging coaches to speak with young athletes about this. I think it can hold true to parents of all children that look up to celebrities and athletes. For more information visit D.A.R.E.

Source: NewsDay.com

Coaches: Michael Phelps scandal an opportunity to talk to young athletes

Michael Phelps’ apology for using a marijuana pipe presents an opportunity to talk to young athletes about drug use, poor judgment and how to learn from a mistake, Long Island swim coaches said.

Long Island coaches said they would use the incident as a teachable moment, driving home the point that drugs undermine athletic performance and that Phelps will suffer the consequences of his actions, losing esteem, and perhaps endorsements.

“It’s upsetting on so many different levels,” said Bill Kropp, head coach for varsity boys swimming at Sachem East High School, where the swim team swelled this year with students inspired by Phelps.

“As a coach, you bring up role models, and obviously he is the poster boy of excellence,” Kropp said. “It’s something that he has to live with, and we have to live with as coaches and parents.”Phelps posted an apology on his Facebook page, where more than 500 fans had written comments about the incident yesterday evening. Though the messages were overwhelmingly supportive, some fans were disappointed.

“We should all learn from this,” said Peter Hugo, Nassau County’s boys swimming coordinator. “Even Michael Phelps makes mistakes. We have to learn to forgive and forget as long as it doesn’t happen a second time.”

Read entire article here: http://www.newsday.com/news/printedition/longisland/ny-liswim026021597feb02,0,5521275.story

“That should bring the parent closer to their child, enhancing that teachable moment,” he said. “Saying listen, it’s something he regrets. You have to learn from your mistakes.”

Sue Scheff: Teens Smoking Cigarettes

Many parents call me about their teens and sometimes tweens that are lighting up. We like to say pick and choose issues, and we don’t condone smoking cigarettes - but we can’t panic. Let’s continue talking to our kid about how damaging smoking cigarettes is to your body as well as your overall health. Smoking is not cool - but it is cool to be an educated parent.

By Jessica Stevenson, About.com

Most people who smoke first light up a cigarette when they’re teenagers. In fact, 80% of smokers began the habit before they turned 18. Here are a few quick facts about cigarette smoking, nicotine and tobacco that you may not have heard before. Even if you have, they’re facts that are worth keeping in mind when your friends and relatives light up a cigarette.

Nearly 70% of people who smoke say they wish they could quit.
Teens who smoke cough and wheeze three times more than teens who don’t smoke.
Smoking causes cancer, heart disease, lung disease and strokes.
Smokers as young as 18 years old have shown evidence of developing heart disease.
More than 70% of young people who smoke said they wish they hadn’t started doing it.
Smoking a pack of cigarettes each day costs about $1,500 per year — enough money to buy a new computer or Xbox.
Studies show that 43% of people who smoke three or fewer cigarettes a day become addicted to nicotine.
More than 434,000 Americans die each year from smoking-related diseases.
One-third of all new smokers will eventually die from a smoking-related disease.
Nicotine — one of the main ingredients in cigarettes — is a poison.
Nicotine is as addictive as heroin and cocaine.
All tobacco products — that includes cigarettes, cigars and chewing tobacco — have nicotine in them.
Smoking makes you feel weaker and more tired because it prevents oxygen from reaching your heart.
Smoking decreases your sense of taste and smell, making you enjoy things like flowers and ice cream a little bit less.
Smoking hurts the people around you: More than 53,000 people die each year from secondhand smoke.
Cigarettes have tons of harmful chemicals in them, including ammonia (found in toilet cleaner), carbon monoxide (found in car exhaust) and arsenic (found in rat poison).
Quitting smoking is one of the best things you can do for your health.
Just days after quitting smoking, a person’s sense of taste and smell returns to normal.
Ten years after quiting smoking, a person’s risk of lung cancer and heart disease returns to that of a non-smoker.
Most teens (about 70%) don’t smoke. Plus, if you make it through your teen years without becoming a smoker, chances are you’ll never become a smoker.


Adapted from “50 Things You Should Know About Tobacco” by Journeyworks Publishing.

Sue Scheff: Teen Pregnancy - Teen Birth Rates Up?

Teen birth rates up? Parents need to take steps to learn why - what can they do to help their young teens understand having a child is not easy. Before you are faced with this difficult and sensitive situations, continue opening communication about sex as well as contraceptives. Years ago a young teen getting pregnant seemed like the worst possible situation - now having unprotected sex can not only lead to pregnancy and big decisions for young teens, but deadly diseases. Take time to learn more.

Source: Connect with Kids

“It does give them another way to look at themselves, and to look at their bodies as a powerful force and not just sort of ornamental.”
– Laura Mee, Ph.D., Child Psychologist.

One girl gives birth to a baby. Another plays basketball with her brother. What’s the connection?

Studies show girls who play sports are less likely to have sex and less likely to get pregnant. One reason may be these athletes gain confidence and respect for their bodies.

“It does give them another way to look at themselves, and to look at their bodies as a powerful force and not just sort of ornamental,” explains child psychologist, Dr. Laura Mee.

Experts say experiencing pressure on the court gives them the strength to resist pressure from a boyfriend. And, in their free time, it gives them something else to focus on besides how they look, “Their hair, their clothes, their, like reputation… mostly all they want to do is impress the boys,” says 12-year-old Claire.

What’s more, studies have found that athletic girls have higher self-esteem, better grades and less stress.

So, experts say, encourage your daughters to get involved in sports and then cheer them on. “Make it as important that your daughters have sporting events as you would for your son that you treat them as equally as you possibly can, that you support and encourage and that the other children, whether they are male or female, support and encourage each other in their sports activities,” says Mee.

Tips for Parents

Sex is something parents should constantly discuss with their teens, but you should really give your teens “the talk” before summer and Christmas vacation. According to one study, teens are much more likely to lose their virginity during the months of June and December than any other time of the year. Almost 19,000 adolescents in grades seven through twelve participated in the survey, which identified the month they had sexual intercourse for the first time. The survey also asked if the act was with a romantic partner or was more “casual.”

The findings, published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, show June as the most popular month, followed closely by December. Summer and Christmas vacations are believed to be the cause with school out and teens with time on their hands. More events are also planned in June, including high school proms, graduations and summertime parties. The “holiday season effect” makes December the second highest month for teen sex. Experts explained that during the holidays, young females in relationships are more likely to have sex. The holidays usually bring people together and make them closer. The same is true with teenagers.

All studies indicate messages from parents regarding sex are extremely important to teens (Washington State Department of Health). In fact, teens state parents as their number one resource for information on the topic. This talk may be uncomfortable for many parents, so the National Parent Teacher Association (PTA) has provided the following tips for parents:

Practice. It may take practice to feel comfortable talking about sex with your kids. Rehearsing with a friend or partner can help. Be honest. Admit to your child if talking about sex is not easy for you. You might say, “I wish I’d talked with you about sex when you were younger, but I found it difficult and kept putting it off. My parents never talked to me about it, and I wish they had.”

Pay attention. Often parents do not talk to their teens about sex because they did not notice they wanted or needed information. Not all teens ask direct questions. Teenagers are often unwilling to admit they do not know everything. Notice what is going on with your child and use that as a basis for starting a conversation about sexual topics.

Look for chances to discuss the sexual roles and attitudes of men and women with your child. Use television show, ads and articles as a start.

Listen. When you give your full attention, you show that you respect your child’s thoughts and feelings. Listening also gives you a chance to correct wrong information they may have gotten from friends. As you listen, be sensitive to unasked questions. “My friend Mary is going out on a real date,” could lead to a discussion of how to handle feelings about touching and kissing.
Parents can also share their feelings on the topic through words and actions. The best way is to talk to teens. Even though it may seem like they are not listening – they are. To have a healthy and effective discussion on sex, the Advocates for Youth Campaign encourages parents to:
Educate yourself and talk with your children about issues of sexuality. Do not forget about discussing the importance of relationships, love, and commitment.

Discuss explicitly with preadolescents and teens the value of delaying sexual initiation and the importance of love and intimacy as well as of safer sex and protecting their health.

Encourage strong decision-making skills by providing youth with age-appropriate opportunities to make decisions and to experience the consequences of those decisions. Allow young people to make mistakes and encourage them to learn from them.

Encourage teens to create a resource list of organizations to which they can turn for assistance with sexual health, and other, issues. Work together to find books and Web sites that offer accurate information.

Actively support comprehensive sexuality education in the schools. Find out what is being taught about sexuality, who is teaching it, and what your teens think about it.

Actively voice your concerns if the sexuality education being taught in local public schools is biased, discriminatory, or inaccurate, has religious content, or promotes a particular creed or denomination.

Demonstrate unconditional love and respect for your children.

References
Advocates for Youth Campaign
Journal of Marriage and Family
National Parent Teacher Association
Washington State Department of Health

TEENSHEALTH answers and advice for parents of teens. Learn more about teen drug use, substance abuse, bullying, cyberbullying, peer pressure, sex education and more!

Learn more at this comprehensive parenting website.

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Parenting Difficult Teens

It stems back to "children need to have their self-esteem built up to make good decisions." Today most families are either single parent or both parents are working full time. This is not the fault of the teen, nor is it the fault of the parents. It is today's world and we must try to find the middle. Troubled teens, rebellious teens, angry teens, problem teens, difficult teens, depressed teens; unfortunately are part of the society of adolescents today.

Communication is always the first to go when people get busy. We have seen this over and over again. We have also experienced it and feel that our children shut us out; this can lead to difficult teens and teens with problems. Although we are tired and exhausted, along with the stress of today's life, we need to stop and take a moment for our kids.

Talk and LISTEN to them. Ask lots of questions, get to know their friends and their friend’s parents, take part in their interests, be supportive if they are having a hard time, even if you can't understand it; be there for them.

This all sounds so easy and so simple, but take it from parents that have walked this path, it is not easy. When a parent works a full day, has stress from the job along with household chores, not to mention the bills, it is hard to find that moment. We are all guilty of neglect at one time or another after all, we are only human and can only do so much. We feel the exhaustion mounting watching our teens grow more out of control, yet we are too tired to address it. Out of control teens can completely disrupt a family and cause marriages to break up as well as emotional breakdowns.

We know many feel it is just a stage, and with some, it may be. However most times it does escalate to where we are today. Researching for help; P.U.R.E. is here for you, as we have been where you are today. Do you have a difficult teen, struggling teen, defiant teen, out of control teen, rebellious teen, angry teen, depressed teen? Do you feel hopeless, at your wits end? Visit www.helpyourteens.com. If you feel your teen is in need of further Boarding School, Military School or Program Options, please complete our Information Request Form.

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