It stems back to "children need to have their self-esteem built up to make good decisions." Today most families are either single parent or both parents are working full time. This is not the fault of the teen, nor is it the fault of the parents. It is today's world and we must try to find the middle. Troubled teens, rebellious teens, angry teens, problem teens, difficult teens, depressed teens; unfortunately are part of the society of adolescents today.
Communication is always the first to go when people get busy. We have seen this over and over again. We have also experienced it and feel that our children shut us out; this can lead to difficult teens and teens with problems. Although we are tired and exhausted, along with the stress of today's life, we need to stop and take a moment for our kids.
Talk and LISTEN to them. Ask lots of questions, get to know their friends and their friend’s parents, take part in their interests, be supportive if they are having a hard time, even if you can't understand it; be there for them.
This all sounds so easy and so simple, but take it from parents that have walked this path, it is not easy. When a parent works a full day, has stress from the job along with household chores, not to mention the bills, it is hard to find that moment. We are all guilty of neglect at one time or another after all, we are only human and can only do so much. We feel the exhaustion mounting watching our teens grow more out of control, yet we are too tired to address it. Out of control teens can completely disrupt a family and cause marriages to break up as well as emotional breakdowns.
We know many feel it is just a stage, and with some, it may be. However most times it does escalate to where we are today. Researching for help; P.U.R.E. is here for you, as we have been where you are today. Do you have a difficult teen, struggling teen, defiant teen, out of control teen, rebellious teen, angry teen, depressed teen? Do you feel hopeless, at your wits end? Visit www.helpyourteens.com. If you feel your teen is in need of further Boarding School, Military School or Program Options, please complete our Information Request Form.
Please visit Informational Articles for more beneficial information. Read more about Parents’ Universal Resource Experts.
Showing posts with label difficult teens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label difficult teens. Show all posts
Friday, January 9, 2009
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Sue Scheff: Parents Helping Stop Bullying and School Violence
Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff): Love our Children USA offers help for kids and parents today with all the issues they face. Bullying, cyberbullying and school violence is part of what our children may face. Learn more here.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Parents Univerasl Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Making Peace with Your Defiant Child: Discipline & ODD
Discipline strategies for parents of children with oppositional defiant disorder - a common partner to ADHD.
ADDitude Magazine has comprehensive articles on ADD/ADHD in regards to both children and adults.
As a parent advocate (Sue Scheff) my organization - Parents' Universal Resource Experts - is about parents helping parents and bringing you valuable stories, articles and more to help you with today's kids.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Sue Scheff - Parents Universal Resource Experts - Teenage Defiance
Parent's Universal Resource Experts has found that children that have ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) are very confrontational and need to have life their own way. A child does not have to be diagnosed ODD to be defiant. It is a trait that some teens experience through their puberty years.
Defiant teens, disrespectful teens, angry teens and rebellious teens can affect the entire family.An effective way to work with defiant teens is through anger and stress management classes. If you have a local therapist*, ask them if they offer these classes. Most will have them along with support groups and other beneficial classes.
In today's teens we are seeing that defiant teens have taken it to a new level. Especially if your child is also ADD/ADHD, the ODD combination can literally pull a family apart.
You will find yourself wondering what you ever did to deserve the way your child is treating you. It is very sad, yet very real. Please know that many families are experiencing this feeling of destruction within their home. Many wonder "why" and unfortunately each child is different with a variety of issues they are dealing with. Once a child is placed into proper treatment, the healing process can begin.
If you feel your teen is in need of further Boarding School, Military School or Program Options, please complete our Information Request Form.
Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Sue Scheff: Book Reviews for Parents
Check out my Blog on Book Reviews for parents and others that work with today's teens and pre-teens.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Helping your Adopted Teen Grow up Right
Adopted teenagers face their own unique set of troubles
As any parent can tell you, raising a teenager is no simple task. The teenage years are a rollercoaster of complicated emotions, as teens struggle to transition through new, confusing stages of their lives. These years are characterized by uncontrollable floods of emotion that teens are often unable to handle, which can lead to many psychological problems. Parent advocates like Sue Scheff™, the founder of Parent Universal Resource Experts™, have been working to raise awareness on important parent-teenager relationship issues that have previously stood silent.
Susan Scheff™ is working to help spread information and knowledge to help parents with some of the most difficult issues for children to deal with; adoption. Adopted teens face an entirely new set of problems in addition regular list of teen angst and despair.
Parents of adopted teens must not only help their teens transition safely and comfortably to their next stage of life, while keeping them away from all the dangers of our modern world, such as drugs, gangs, and internet dangers, but they must help them live without their birth parents, which can cause a variety of detachment, anger, and depression problems to fester if they are not dealt with by the new parents.
There is no simple solution that explains how to properly raise an adopted teen and the cold analysis of experts in the academic world often falls short of actual real world application. However, Sue Scheff™ offers real parenting advice, proven through hands on parent experience. Sue Scheff’s advice can help a resourceful parent guide their adopted teenager on the path to adulthood.
Sue Scheff™ offers a variety of helpful resources to those seeking help with their adopted teen troubles. Teenagers should be treated with the respect parents want for themselves, and this site will help facilitate the mutual understanding an adopted teenager and parent relationship needs to succeed.
As any parent can tell you, raising a teenager is no simple task. The teenage years are a rollercoaster of complicated emotions, as teens struggle to transition through new, confusing stages of their lives. These years are characterized by uncontrollable floods of emotion that teens are often unable to handle, which can lead to many psychological problems. Parent advocates like Sue Scheff™, the founder of Parent Universal Resource Experts™, have been working to raise awareness on important parent-teenager relationship issues that have previously stood silent.
Susan Scheff™ is working to help spread information and knowledge to help parents with some of the most difficult issues for children to deal with; adoption. Adopted teens face an entirely new set of problems in addition regular list of teen angst and despair.
Parents of adopted teens must not only help their teens transition safely and comfortably to their next stage of life, while keeping them away from all the dangers of our modern world, such as drugs, gangs, and internet dangers, but they must help them live without their birth parents, which can cause a variety of detachment, anger, and depression problems to fester if they are not dealt with by the new parents.
There is no simple solution that explains how to properly raise an adopted teen and the cold analysis of experts in the academic world often falls short of actual real world application. However, Sue Scheff™ offers real parenting advice, proven through hands on parent experience. Sue Scheff’s advice can help a resourceful parent guide their adopted teenager on the path to adulthood.
Sue Scheff™ offers a variety of helpful resources to those seeking help with their adopted teen troubles. Teenagers should be treated with the respect parents want for themselves, and this site will help facilitate the mutual understanding an adopted teenager and parent relationship needs to succeed.
For more information on Teen Identity.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Positive Peer Pressure by Connect with Kids
“Peer pressure is not always bad. It can be very good. It can be encouraging. Sometimes a person may not want to choose hi-risk behaviors and may not want to do the wrong thing because they know their friends aren’t into that.”
– Dr. Marilyn Billingsly, pediatrician
It’s conventional wisdom that peer pressure is a powerful force in the lives of kids, especially teenagers. A new University study reminds us that while peer pressure can push kids into risky behavior, it can also help kids do the right thing.
Alex Shillinger is in court facing drug charges. He says he was “worn down” by peer pressure to try marijuana.
“There were constantly people telling me, ‘Come on, just try it, just one time, it’ll be fine,’” says Alex, 18.
On the other hand, because of peer pressure, Ambra says she’s never done drugs or alcohol or had sex.
“Being around people like that, just like myself, it keeps me motivated,” says Ambra, 17.
Peers can be powerful influences, for both goodandbad behavior. A new study from the University of Southern California found that kids were less likely to use drugs if they were in a substance abuse program taught by other kids.
“Peer pressure is not always bad. It can be very good. It can be encouraging. Sometimes a person may not want to choose hi-risk behaviors and may not want to do the wrong thing because they know their friends aren’t into that,” says Dr. Marilyn Billingsly, pediatrician.
Of course, it depends on the friends -- and parents have little control over that.
“I think it makes it even more important for parents to know their kids’ friends and the parents of their kids friends and monitor what’s going on with the group of friends,” Dr. Carol Drummond, Ph.D., psychologist.
If you suspect that one of your child’s friends isusing drugs, experts say to make your views on drugs loud and clear and tell your child you’re worried.
“Sometimes your kid will come back and say, ‘Listen, Mom, I know he’s drinking, doing drugs; I am not doing that.’ But at least you’ve gotten a chance to plant that message that you’ve got worries. You’ve got to watch your own child. And if you feel like you have some concern that your child is making bad decisions, then you need to act aggressively,” says Dr. Judy Wolman, Ph.D., psychologist,
Tips for Parents
– Dr. Marilyn Billingsly, pediatrician
It’s conventional wisdom that peer pressure is a powerful force in the lives of kids, especially teenagers. A new University study reminds us that while peer pressure can push kids into risky behavior, it can also help kids do the right thing.
Alex Shillinger is in court facing drug charges. He says he was “worn down” by peer pressure to try marijuana.
“There were constantly people telling me, ‘Come on, just try it, just one time, it’ll be fine,’” says Alex, 18.
On the other hand, because of peer pressure, Ambra says she’s never done drugs or alcohol or had sex.
“Being around people like that, just like myself, it keeps me motivated,” says Ambra, 17.
Peers can be powerful influences, for both goodandbad behavior. A new study from the University of Southern California found that kids were less likely to use drugs if they were in a substance abuse program taught by other kids.
“Peer pressure is not always bad. It can be very good. It can be encouraging. Sometimes a person may not want to choose hi-risk behaviors and may not want to do the wrong thing because they know their friends aren’t into that,” says Dr. Marilyn Billingsly, pediatrician.
Of course, it depends on the friends -- and parents have little control over that.
“I think it makes it even more important for parents to know their kids’ friends and the parents of their kids friends and monitor what’s going on with the group of friends,” Dr. Carol Drummond, Ph.D., psychologist.
If you suspect that one of your child’s friends isusing drugs, experts say to make your views on drugs loud and clear and tell your child you’re worried.
“Sometimes your kid will come back and say, ‘Listen, Mom, I know he’s drinking, doing drugs; I am not doing that.’ But at least you’ve gotten a chance to plant that message that you’ve got worries. You’ve got to watch your own child. And if you feel like you have some concern that your child is making bad decisions, then you need to act aggressively,” says Dr. Judy Wolman, Ph.D., psychologist,
Tips for Parents
Peer pressure is not always a bad thing. For example, positive peer pressure can be used to pressure bullies into acting better toward other kids. If enough kids get together, peers can pressure each other into doing what's right. (Nemours Foundation)
Some good behaviors that friends can pressure each other to do include: be honest, be nice, exercise, avoid alcohol, respect others, avoid drugs, work hard, don’t smoke. (National Institutes of Health, NIH)
You and your friends can pressure each other into some things that will improve your health and social life and make you feel good about your decisions. (NIH)
References
National Institutes of Health (NIH)
Monday, December 17, 2007
Parent's Universal Resource Experts Launches New Websites to Help Parents with At Risk Teens
With today’s teens, parents can struggle with them and the issues that they are confronted with. As parent advocate, I believe in educating parents with “stuff” teens deal with including peer pressure and more.
Take a moment to review my latest websites to help inform on teenagers today.
Teen Suicide
Teen Cults
Preventing Teen Drug Addiction
Teen Mischief
Identity Crisis for Adopted Children
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
Take a moment to review my latest websites to help inform on teenagers today.
Teen Suicide
Teen Cults
Preventing Teen Drug Addiction
Teen Mischief
Identity Crisis for Adopted Children
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Sue Scheff: Holiday Tradition by Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D.
“But we always have mixed nuts at Thanksgiving!”
“But we always have turkey for Christmas dinner!”
“But we always have the youngest child open the first Hanukkah present (this protested by the youngest)!”
“But we always go to grandma’s for New Year’s Day!”
Any parent who has ever tried to change anything on a holiday will hear a chorus of “always”. Do something two years in a row on a given holiday and you’re doomed to do it forever, or so it seems. If, like me, you thrive on novelty and change, the insistence of kids that you make every holiday a rerun can be exasperating. (I sometimes feel like I’m in that movie “Groundhog Day”, where the main character has to do the same day over and over until he gets it right.)
Oh, all right, I have to admit it… This is an overstatement. The truth is that I enjoy certain rituals as much as the next person. But the kids’ demands for continuity and sameness got me to thinking about what traditions associated with holidays are all about.
There seems to be something very basic in the human soul that craves some predictability and some recognition that we move in concert with the seasons. Name me a culture where there aren’t markers for the passing of time. I can’t think of any. We may do it differently — family to family, country to country, (planet to planet for all I know) - but, where there are people, there seems to be annual feast days, holidays, holy days, rest days. The need to ritualize them with predictable activities, foods, and/or objects seems to be universal.
My theory is that these markers of time are a fundamental way that we all have to make the unpredictability and stress of daily life bearable. At the most basic level, holidays give us some comfort and strength from the simple observance that we’ve ma de it once more around the calendar. On a more complex level, they provide a culturally sanctioned reason for everyone to stop, to take stock of ourselves, to acknowledge who we’ve chosen to be in our families and communities, to underline for ourselves how we are doing, to make new promises to self and others. There is no way for even the most jaded person to avoid it. To be cranky about a holiday and to decide not to observe it still observes it and brings to awareness ones relationship to others.
Kids intuitively understand all this complicated stuff. Sometimes what they latch on to as recognition of the event can be a little weird (like the mixed nuts) but the impulse to mark the passing of time with some kind of gathering and observance is a healthy one. Anything positive, done regularly, puts something important in the child’s internal “security bank”; emotional steadiness that can be drawn on in more difficult times. Kids may not be able to explain it but they do know they need it. It’s important that we understand that their requests for sameness aren’t just inconvenient foibles but are a reflection of kids’ legitimate needs for security.
As parents, we can do a great deal to make sure that that inner bank of love and security has a healthy balance by the time they leave our care. Family traditions around holidays are one of the means we have for letting children know that they are embedded in community, for witnessing their growth over time, and for passing on important cultural and family values.
I wish I had thought more about this when my kids were younger. As in most families, our rituals and yearly observances have evolved over the years into what they are and we certainly do repeat them, and, mostly, enjoy them. But if I had it to do over again, I might more consciously think about just what it is that I want my children to carry with them into adulthood as a statement of their family’s love and allegiances. My husband and I talk about it more. Gradually, we’re introducing some new things into our yearly rhythm: less reliance on gifts and a perfectly clean house, more time with the people who matter, more attention to each individual child’s development. If we do it gradually enough, and keep to some of our more obvious routines, perhaps the kids won’t notice that we’re trying to slip in some new rituals. If we get away with it two years in a row, we’ll have a new tradition.
P.S. And, yes, we’ll have mixed nuts every Thanksgiving.
Dr. Marie advises:
Holidays are not an “extra”. They are essential markers in the rhythm of life.
Embrace holidays. There are never enough reasons to celebrate life.
If you don’t like the commercialism that’s come to surround some holidays, make up your own traditions.
Be thoughtful about the values and traditions that you want to pass on to your children through your holiday activities.
Include your children in the planning, creating, cooking, story telling, gifting, visiting, etc.
Kids who are part of it all will know how to carry it on when it is their turn.
“But we always have turkey for Christmas dinner!”
“But we always have the youngest child open the first Hanukkah present (this protested by the youngest)!”
“But we always go to grandma’s for New Year’s Day!”
Any parent who has ever tried to change anything on a holiday will hear a chorus of “always”. Do something two years in a row on a given holiday and you’re doomed to do it forever, or so it seems. If, like me, you thrive on novelty and change, the insistence of kids that you make every holiday a rerun can be exasperating. (I sometimes feel like I’m in that movie “Groundhog Day”, where the main character has to do the same day over and over until he gets it right.)
Oh, all right, I have to admit it… This is an overstatement. The truth is that I enjoy certain rituals as much as the next person. But the kids’ demands for continuity and sameness got me to thinking about what traditions associated with holidays are all about.
There seems to be something very basic in the human soul that craves some predictability and some recognition that we move in concert with the seasons. Name me a culture where there aren’t markers for the passing of time. I can’t think of any. We may do it differently — family to family, country to country, (planet to planet for all I know) - but, where there are people, there seems to be annual feast days, holidays, holy days, rest days. The need to ritualize them with predictable activities, foods, and/or objects seems to be universal.
My theory is that these markers of time are a fundamental way that we all have to make the unpredictability and stress of daily life bearable. At the most basic level, holidays give us some comfort and strength from the simple observance that we’ve ma de it once more around the calendar. On a more complex level, they provide a culturally sanctioned reason for everyone to stop, to take stock of ourselves, to acknowledge who we’ve chosen to be in our families and communities, to underline for ourselves how we are doing, to make new promises to self and others. There is no way for even the most jaded person to avoid it. To be cranky about a holiday and to decide not to observe it still observes it and brings to awareness ones relationship to others.
Kids intuitively understand all this complicated stuff. Sometimes what they latch on to as recognition of the event can be a little weird (like the mixed nuts) but the impulse to mark the passing of time with some kind of gathering and observance is a healthy one. Anything positive, done regularly, puts something important in the child’s internal “security bank”; emotional steadiness that can be drawn on in more difficult times. Kids may not be able to explain it but they do know they need it. It’s important that we understand that their requests for sameness aren’t just inconvenient foibles but are a reflection of kids’ legitimate needs for security.
As parents, we can do a great deal to make sure that that inner bank of love and security has a healthy balance by the time they leave our care. Family traditions around holidays are one of the means we have for letting children know that they are embedded in community, for witnessing their growth over time, and for passing on important cultural and family values.
I wish I had thought more about this when my kids were younger. As in most families, our rituals and yearly observances have evolved over the years into what they are and we certainly do repeat them, and, mostly, enjoy them. But if I had it to do over again, I might more consciously think about just what it is that I want my children to carry with them into adulthood as a statement of their family’s love and allegiances. My husband and I talk about it more. Gradually, we’re introducing some new things into our yearly rhythm: less reliance on gifts and a perfectly clean house, more time with the people who matter, more attention to each individual child’s development. If we do it gradually enough, and keep to some of our more obvious routines, perhaps the kids won’t notice that we’re trying to slip in some new rituals. If we get away with it two years in a row, we’ll have a new tradition.
P.S. And, yes, we’ll have mixed nuts every Thanksgiving.
Dr. Marie advises:
Holidays are not an “extra”. They are essential markers in the rhythm of life.
Embrace holidays. There are never enough reasons to celebrate life.
If you don’t like the commercialism that’s come to surround some holidays, make up your own traditions.
Be thoughtful about the values and traditions that you want to pass on to your children through your holiday activities.
Include your children in the planning, creating, cooking, story telling, gifting, visiting, etc.
Kids who are part of it all will know how to carry it on when it is their turn.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Parent's Universal Resource Experts Continuing to help families...
Parent's Universal Resource Experts (P.U.R.E.) is an organization founded by myself, Sue Scheff, in an effort to help educate parents on an industry that can be daunting especially if you are desperately trying to find help for your teenager.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Sue Scheff; Parenting articles and more
Check out my Blog that offers weekly news articles on parenting teens and more. As a parent advocate I believe parents need to be informed on today's teens to help them through difficult times.
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